Chapter X: Nina
I’m still unsure if this was the decision I should have made even as I sit in this truck rapidly speeding towards my chosen fate. I can’t help but wonder if this is what they would have wanted? Surely, they didn’t want me to do what I was going to, so I guess anything’s better, though I can’t help but feel I’m making the same decision, but forcing the act to be performed by someone else.
Nina finished scribbling in the book, closed it and slipped it back into the bag, she was unsure if her companions had noticed. She had felt the need to jot those thoughts down, besides, their thoughts seemed to be elsewhere.
Nina noticed that Jon seemed to be on edge, he kept shifting positions and fidgeting. She still felt they hadn’t told her something, sure they told her about the people that seemed to be a threat, but those must be a constant, not a concern for someone who had evidently been doing this sort of thing since childhood. But maybe he was just fidgety by nature, not content to sit in a car zooming through a tunnel in the pitch black.
Gerald broke what had becoming an increasingly long streak of silence, “We’re crossing the border right about now, in a few minutes we will be out of this hole,” he looked at Nina in the rear view mirror, she nodded and said nothing.
The dark hole had reminded her this wasn’t an exciting adventure but a somber one. She felt that this tunnel had become deeply representative of how she felt, dark, empty, and unknown. These thoughts seemed to have come out of nowhere, irrelevant to the current situation, why was she ruminating about existence?
Now was not the time, she tried to push them out of her head, but they seemed to impinge on her free will, she felt hot, she wanted to scream, she wanted to… what? She didn’t know, her thoughts felt erratic, filled with a crazed undertone of fear. She rubbed her eyes and felt her breath quicken in her hands, what was happening, why was this happening?
Neither Gerald nor Jon seemed to notice, did she want them to? No. She told herself to calm down, her mind refused. Thoughts spiraled in her head, the only clear thought was a sense of existential dread, it was clear there was danger, it was clear she was putting strangers at risk for some selfish sense of closure that she felt she didn’t deserve, that she felt she wouldn’t get anyway. But it was too late, she was already committed, whatever happened, good or bad, she was at fault. That was how she felt.
The truck reached the end of the tunnel, it looked the same as where they had entered, the same yellow lights and the same solid wall of concrete that would soon reveal a ramp. Nina was glad to be leaving this tunnel, she could leave that whole experience buried underground, if only they didn’t have to go through it again.
Gerald spoke again through the radio; his words were foggy in Nina’s mind she couldn’t make them out. The earth rose revealing the concrete ramp, the truck lurched forward once again.
Gerald looked at Nina in the rear-view mirror, “It’s about a twenty minute drive from here to the spot, we’ll have to go on foot after that, but don’t worry it isn’t far.”
Nina nodded, her throat felt dry, she was afraid if she said anything it wouldn’t come out at all.
Jon turned around in the seat to look at her, “Hey, don’t get too nervous we’ve already done this run numerous times, nothing bad will happen, they choose this spot because there is no one around, this is going to work out.”
“I’m fine, I believe in you guys,” Nina said.
She had got the feeling that he was trying to calm his own nerves as well as her own. She didn’t want to project any of her recent existential musings onto someone who was clearly already worried. She figured feigning confidence would help him to regain his, after all, that seemed to be what he was trying to do to her. She hoped her veil wasn’t as thin as his was.
The truck exited the tunnel emerging in a sparse forest, the trees varied in size and shape, but all swayed ominously in the darkness. The path forward cut straight through the tree line, however, just like the corn field, it held a degree of ambiguity that made it almost invisible.
“Welcome to the outside world Nina,” Gerald exclaimed.
Nina realized she had never been in a forest of this magnitude. Everything in the city-state had been micromanaged and industrialized to a point of perfection, no piece of nature or concrete stood out of place. Randomness existed only in the webs of cracks in the sidewalk which seemed to be fixed as soon as they appeared.
The forest lacked any sort of order, trees grew where they pleased, fell when their time came to litter the forest floor with the chaos by which it thrives. Nina examined the dark forest out the window, her eyes continuously deceiving her, making her believe she saw something move when in reality it was only an illusion created by the constant motion through an environment littered with randomness. Time passed quicker in the forest than it did in the tunnel, before Nina expected it, the truck came to a halt.
Gerald cut the engine and took the key out of the ignition, “Grab your things, we travel the rest of the way on foot, make sure to keep quiet,” he said.
Nina jumped out of the truck and shouldered her backpack. The ground was wet, slippery in her flat bottom shoes; it was covered in leaves. In the darkness she could make out the road they had just pulled off, its position given away by its inability to shine like the leaves covering the rest of the ground, shimmering in the pale moonlight. Nina instinctively went to slam the door of the truck before Jon caught it, easing it closed quietly.
“As little noise as possible, you never know who is listening,” he whispered.
“Sorry,” Nina replied matching his tone, he nodded.
Gerald motioned them on into the woods and they descended the ridge the road had followed, into the forest canopy, walking as quietly as possible among rustling leaves. Nina noticed there were less leaves on the path they walked, this path had been taken before, but the darkness made it a mystery if its travelers numbered in the many or the few.
They trudged in silence along the path, the only noise that could be heard were the leaves rustling and the insects chirping nearby and in the distance. The only guiding light was that of the moon.
Nina kept close behind Gerald trusting that he knew this path well enough to traverse it in the dark. Jon brought up the rear but also kept close to the group. The trail was mostly flat, cutting through the rising hills around them.
Nina noticed the hills that had enclosed them began to flatten out, and soon after they emerged out of the forest into an open field. In the center of the field were crumbling buildings. They walked through the tall grass and more buildings took shape in the darkness; they had entered a small town. Nina assumed the town had been abandoned sometime during the war, in fact as they got closer it became more apparent that a skirmish had taken place here.
The crumbling brick structures were pock marked with bullet holes and random sections of the wall had all but disappeared. It appeared that not a single window had been left unbroken, the shards glinted in the moonlight.
When they approached the back of the first building, Gerald turned around, “Wait here, I’m gonna look around before we head to the spot, if you hear anything off putting, get back to the truck and wait for me there,” Gerald gave Jon a serious look, “Alright, be back soon.”
Jon nodded.
With that Gerald disappeared around the side of the building. Nina looked at Jon as he watched his father disappear around the corner. His face was hardened, he seemed to be less nervous now, maybe it had just been the tunnel that made him fidgety, she could understand why.
She quickly looked down to her feet as he turned towards her, she could sense his eyes linger on her for a moment as she pretended to be interested in the grass growing out of the old concrete. He walked past her and sat down against the wall.
Nina looked out across the field in the distance she could see the hazy glow of the city lights coloring the dark sky an unnatural yellow. It was strange, she had never left the hazy glow of those lights, she always thought that had she managed to get out of the city-state, she would obtain freedom in the truest sense. Now she realized there was no true freedom, now even away from the state’s clutches she was still controlled by fear, even if it wasn’t fear instilled directly by them.
She jumped slightly, she thought she heard rustling in the grass, she turned towards Jon, he was already standing. Jon stood next to her peering out into the tall grass for the source of the noise. Nina saw nothing, neither did Jon.
Jon swore softly, “It’s probably just animals,” he reassured her, “There are plenty around.”
Jon returned to his seat against the wall, Nina joined him.
The two sat in silence, continuing to scan the grass that swayed ever so slightly in the light breeze. It wasn’t long before Gerald returned coming around the corner, he startled them slightly, but his large form was instantly recognizable, “There’s nobody here, but I’ve still got a sinking feeling,” he looked at Jon who grimaced.
“C’mon, it’s just across the street,” Gerald said, now talking to Nina, “I don’t think we should stick around too long though. I found these flowers growing if you want to set them on the spot.”
Nina took the flowers the petals were half open and wet with dew.
“Thank you, this’ll be nice,” Nina said to Gerald.
“Sure thing, alright let’s not dawdle too much longer.”
They followed Gerald around the building, reaching the opposite side, it appeared that it had sat on the main road of this quaint town. Similar buildings lined the road in various states of disrepair, the only thing out of place was the road. The road looked as though it had been paved recently but traveled on often, the cracks looked to be from frequent use not a reclaiming of nature.
“This road is how Jon and I found this place,” Gerald explained, “We found this road a bit further North, freshly paved roads in the unclaimed regions, it’s something worth investigating. Just so happens we arrived at a bad time for the SSNY. The spot’s on the other side of the street.”
They crossed the road quickly and went behind the building across the street where it became more obvious this crumbling town had gained new occupants. The building they walked beside was in the best of shape, it was evident the building held some operational function. Through the broken glass she could see empty military crates and generators for overhead lights, however, for the moment, it seemed no one was home. Behind the building was a large patch of disturbed land, this was the spot.
“I imagine you can tell,” Gerald said somberly.
Nina nodded, she sank to her knees at the edge of the overturned dirt, she had no idea what to do, what to say, what to think. Her mind was blank filled with an indescribable melancholy but no sense of what to do next. She thought that coming here would at least bring her some sense of closure, but she still felt just as empty as before. Silent tears ran down her cheeks, at least she felt she could appropriately say goodbye now, even if the action seemed to be a meaningless one.
“Goodbye,” she whispered to the ground. “Goodbye, for now, I’ll see you soon, I hope…” she placed the flowers over the ground and wiped the tears away with her sleeve. She stood up and walked back over to the pair leaning on the wall.
“It’ll be made right one day Nina; it has to be,” Gerald put his hand on her shoulder, much like her father used to.
“It has to,” Nina said looking into Gerald’s eyes, “It has to…” she repeated softer and more to herself.
She wasn’t sure what that meant yet, what would make their deaths right? She felt she had to work towards that cause, somehow, when the goal was achieved, she could rest. For now, she had to keep living.
“We should probably get going dad,” Jon said with urgency. “The longer we stay here… I don’t know something just feels off…”
“Yeah, let’s get a move on,” Gerald said to Nina. “This night has felt off to me since that group bailed on us, c’mon let’s get back to the truck.”
They began to walk along the side of the building when the sound of engines broke the quiet night.
Gerald swore, “We gotta hide, now.”
Nina followed Gerald into the crumbling adjacent building, hiding among the rubble they peered out the broken window that gave them a view of the street.
Nina watched as two large military trucks drove down the center of the road stopping in front of the building filled with their gear. In the first truck, two men in military garb holding assault rifles exited the vehicle, from the back came a man in a suit. The man in the suit directed the soldiers to the back of the truck behind them. The man lit a cigarette and examined the crumbling buildings around him. The three in hiding lowered themselves from the window.
Nina looked at the two men she had traveled with, they looked anxious, but not afraid. They had been in situations like this before, they knew how to handle themselves.
A scream pierced the night, they all sat back up to look out the window. A woman had been pulled from the back of the truck, her black hair was frazzled, and her clothing was shredded, she fought kicking and screaming against the soldiers that held her in place the suited man moved towards the woman saying something that Nina could not make out. The woman swung her legs and kicked the suited in man in the stomach, he staggered back for a moment, pulling something from in his jacket he stood back up as shot echoed through the night and the woman’s head snapped back, the soldiers holding her didn’t even flinch.
Nina was in shock, she looked at Gerald and then Jon neither of whom had torn their eyes away from the street below. She realized this likely hadn’t been a shock to them, and it shouldn’t have been to her, what had just happened seemed to be the purpose of this place. The soldiers carried the woman’s body away, returning to retrieve a man from the back of the truck one who was in no state to fight back like the woman just had, but he tried all the same. Nina was startled as both Gerald and Jon swore at the same time.
Nina looked to Gerald he said to her, “That’s scout_26, Jake, he was doing the same thing we were, I didn’t know he was out tonight.”
“We can’t just watch him die dad,” Jon implored.
“We just watched a woman get shot in the head Jon, what are we gonna do?”
“I dunno but he is one of us, we can’t just let him die, we have to do something.”
“Fine, stay here with Nina, I’ll see what I can do.”
“No, I…”
“Stay,” Gerald looked forcefully at his son.
“Alright dad, good luck.”
Gerald nodded and ducked out of the building.
“He’ll be all right,” Jon said to himself.
“Yeah. He will be,” Nina reaffirmed.
They watched as Gerald crept around the wall along the building. The suited man had leaned into the broken face of Jake, trying to convince him of something. Gerald had taken out his pistol as he inched around the corner, taking aim he hit both soldiers dead on with two shots, a third rang out, but the suited man did not fall like the soldiers, instead he turned around shooting blindly at the brick wall Gerald had dived behind, the brick shattered into dust.
Enamored by the scene, Nina hadn’t noticed Jon had taken out his pistol aiming it at the suited man. Jon took the shot and Nina jumped; the noise made her ears ring. He missed exploding the asphalt at the suited man’s feet, the man shot upwards Jon dropped as the bullet came through the window and hit the wall across from them throwing dust into their faces.
“Get out of here, get back to the truck!” Jon yelled at Nina.
They ran out the building, Jon running towards the suited man, Nina away, she hid behind the building having no idea how she would make it across the street. The soldiers in the second truck had gotten out and Nina could hear the fire of automatic weapons at the building they had just been in.
Nina knew she was hopelessly outmatched in this situation but felt that she couldn’t leave without them. She took the flare gun out of the backpack; she had no idea if it would help her, but she felt safer if she were to be trapped in a gunfight if she had something that could fire. She put a shell into the gun as Gerald had shown her, the adrenaline had cleared her mind and for the first time in a while, she felt she could think straight and was in control of her thoughts.
She peered around the corner the way that she had watched Gerald earlier seeing the two soldiers standing next to the suited man, Jake was lying on the ground in a position that made Nina assume he was dead. Her assumption was correct Gerald and Jon rounded the corner coming up behind her to confirm her suspicion.
“He’s dead, we have to get out of here now,” Gerald said urgently to Nina, “They’re looking down the alley, now’s the time to go!”
They sprinted across the open road, but they were seen, the automatic fire sprayed at them as they ran across the road. Nina made it behind the building but quickly noticed Jon had not, he was lying in the road, his leg was shattered.
Gerald looked at Nina, “Run! Run! Don’t look back, don’t wait for us, just get the fuck out of here, now!” he screamed.
Gerald ran towards his son, Nina expected shots to tear through him, but he made it to his son unscathed. She didn’t want to leave them. Her eyes were glued to the scene as Gerald picked up his son standing until the shots began again. Gerald collapsed with his son in his arms. A brief thought told Nina she could end everything here, step out from behind the wall, but she couldn’t, the list of those whose deaths needed to be made right had grown, and she would be the one to do it.
She ran into the tall grass, once she made it to the woods, she felt she would be safe, then the next step would begin. As soon as she made it to the woods, she realized she would be no safer and continued to run. She ran as hard as she could through the trees, the brambles tearing at her clothes and cutting into her skin as she ran. She had no idea where she was, the trail they had followed from the truck was nowhere in sight. Distracted, she tripped, falling into the leaves.
Lying on the ground she listened around her and realized she was alone. She had no idea if those soldiers had seen her, and if they would follow her if they had. Her throat burned from the heavy breathing, she had to keep moving. She sat up and pulled out the map unfolding it. She noticed meticulously handwritten notes strewn about the map. A location was marked as the truck stop, the path they had taken from the truck to the town was labeled. North of the town was a spot labeled “newly discovered safe place,” these spots peppered the map, but the closest one seemed to be northwest of the town she had just ran from along a river. She had no idea where she was in reference to the town but knew that north was the haze of the city and west was the moon as Gerald had told her. She took the best estimate between the two and stood up in that direction taking a drink of water before marching forward.
The going was not easy, the adrenaline having eased off she noticed how often the branches and thorns caught and tore at her clothing and she found herself stopping to untangle herself often. After a while she stumbled upon a trail, she realized it was a trail only because she could walk freely without being caught by the branches. Otherwise, it bore no resemblance to a trail, the ground was covered with just as many leaves as the rest of the forest. Despite occasionally winding around obstacles, it seemed to follow the direction she desired, so she kept on it. The night was still dark, and Nina had lost track of time, she feared turning on a device that could give her the time would be too risky, especially if anyone were looking for her.
The arduous trudge continued, and Nina assumed it couldn’t be much further, she estimated that the distance she needed to cover was only slightly more than if she had returned to the truck. Then it hit her, why had she not returned to the truck? She panicked, thinking suddenly she had made the wrong choice, she had surely passed the truck by now, if she had thought to go there, she would already be there. She then remembered what she must’ve subconsciously thought but never consciously realized, she couldn’t drive a truck without its keys. She sighed and continued to venture forward.
The trail began to taper into a steeper incline as each step took more effort than the first. Upon reaching the top of the hill the trees thinned and Nina found herself on the edge of another town, except this one felt different, the buildings were larger and more spread out, while cracked sidewalks meandered between them. The buildings bore faded signs with meaningless names long forgotten.
Nina took the map back out, unsure which of these buildings could be the safe house. All the buildings so far bore locked or blocked doors. She felt she had reached the center as she came upon the largest building. The only comprehendible word above the door was Library. Nina deduced this place must’ve been some site for academia centered around a library that housed knowledge from before the war. She wondered how this all had remained so unscathed, the buildings stood mostly undisturbed and showed no signs of battle like the earlier town. She wondered what had made this place so special.
Nina assumed this must be the safe house, a place likely full of knowledge the city-state wouldn’t want them to have, a relic of the past, much like the Color Guard themselves. She walked up the steps towards the large glass doors that had somehow remained unbroken, dirtied by the weather, it was impossible to see through them. Nina pushed the large handle expecting to be met with resistance like all the other doors so far, this time it did not, the door opened with a soft creak. It was nearly completely dark inside; the only light was the moonlight that tried to break through the grubby windows.
In the moonlight Nina saw a few chairs and a couch sitting around a small table, she made her way over to the arrangement and set her things on the dusty floor. Exhausted, she fell to the couch like it were her own bed, a plume of dust erupted from the cushions choking her breath. The couch was hard but better than the floor. She took off her jacket and folded it into a makeshift pillow to place under her head. The shock of recent events was beginning to come forward, but Nina fell to exhaustion before it could haunt her. It would have to wait until morning.